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o - skin a penguin and then give its skin to a midget to wear as a

tuxedo.

o - take your grandfather for a walk round the cemetry so he gets used

to the view.

o - go and stand next to blind people waiting at traffic lights and go

beep beep beep beep beep.

o - go round to an old person'e home, remove all the wheel chair ramps

and scream fire, fire, fire.

o - give homeless people venetian blinds, 'cause what they need more

than your pity is a bit of bloody privacy.

o - wear a dress and pretend you're Margaret Thatcher - that's what he

does.

o - disguise yourself as a parcel, sit on the tube, and wait to be

destroyed.

o - pretend your a tatoo artist with Parkinson's disease.

o - give lifelong investments to terminally ill patients.

o - get a razor blade, run it along the length of your tongue, and then

eat some salt.

o - give dyslexic children copies of James Joyce's Ulysees to read,

backwards.

o - give Yul Brinner another cigarette.

If you're happy and you know it (Some sick ones here so if you're easily offended don't read)?

That's really sick,

I've just thrown up - giggling.

Consider yourself starred and feathered.

If you're happy and you know it (Some sick ones here so if you're easily offended don't read)?

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